So many times I have been reminded of you over the years...if it wasn't a bit of a stab to the heart, to think that you thought I didn't remember you, it would almost be amusing simply because it's so far from the truth.
The most vivid of the dreams I had about you was sometime around 1998, in the spring or early summer. I can still remember it even now, and that's rare - most of the time whenever a dream has given me its message (if it was meant to have one, anyway), the visuals of it will fade out of memory fairly quickly even if the memory of the content remains. This one, I can still bring up the visuals pretty clearly even after all this time.
There wasn't a lot to it, really - I dreamed that my husband and I (we were already split in real life by this point, but in the dream we were still married) came to visit you and your wife. I don't know why we were visiting, but it felt kind of like the situation with the concert - we were both there, but were not ourselves the ones who had set it up (and how my husband and your wife knew each other well enough for a dinner invitation wasn't ever explained, it was just a given in the dream). I got the impression that our respective spouses were at least peripherally aware that we also knew each other, but weren't aware that you and I had ever been more than co-workers or casual acquaintances.
We spent some time at your house (the middle parts of the dream kind of glossed over as they sometimes do - I have impressions of things like having dinner, but nothing specific), and at the end we were all in a living room or den. The room had a couple of wall units - bookshelf-type things that went floor to ceiling, and were filled with various things (books, pictures in frames, a compact stereo system, the usual stuff people put in those). There was a couch or loveseat facing the shelves, and a chair adjacent. There was also a lower section to the shelf units, a section that was out further than the upper shelves, and below which were cabinets with doors fronting them.
All throughout the evening, I was aware that you had been trying to find a way to tell me something, but you couldn't find any way to get me alone even for a moment to say whatever it was you wanted to say. I could see the frustration on your face, you knew that we weren't going to be seeing each other again (seems like maybe that was the purpose of the invite in the first place? That my husband and I were leaving the area right after that, or something. Don't know how I knew this, it was just another one of those 'given' things) and you didn't want me to leave without knowing whatever it was.
It was getting late, and my husband was sitting on the loveseat/couch, talking to your wife who was sitting in the chair (and at this point neither was paying any attention to either of us). You were sort of sitting/leaning on the lower shelf-projection of the wall unit, and I was standing up behind the couch basically facing you - I guess I'd just come back in the room at this point, and just remained standing because we were going to be leaving soon.
Finally, you turned around and grabbed a CD off the shelf, put it the stereo, and selected a song - and then gave me a significant look while it was playing. It was a look that pretty much said that the song wasn't it exactly, but it was as close as you were going to be able to get under the circumstances [and I have to say, you were always very good at that - I can't think of too many people that I've ever known who could convey more with just a look than you can]. Your wife got a little annoyed with you for putting on music while they were talking, but you just kept looking at me to make sure I got the message. And that was it, I woke up after that (and before the song had finished).
It was the song selection that probably surprised me more than anything else about the dream, and is also probably one of the reasons why I remembered it so well after. It wasn't a song that I knew well at the time (I might have heard it a few times on the radio before then, but I'd never really paid it any attention and it hadn't made any impact on me previously). Nor was it anything I'd otherwise ever have associated with you on hearing it.
The song was by Concrete Blonde, a minor hit from the early nineties called "Joey". [It was even more strange because if I had to choose one song that from the first time I ever heard it, reminded me very much of you...it would be "Do The Walls Come Down" by Carly Simon. I can still remember even where I was when I first heard it, I was relaxing on my bunk in my barracks room in Millington TN, and I had just bought the tape and was listening to it on my Walkman. So the choice of song in the dream was odd in that respect as well, because after waking up, my first thought was, "why didn't my brain choose that song instead of one I barely know like Joey?"]
I actually went out and bought the CD after that, and after listening to all the lyrics, it did after all seem an oddly appropriate choice in some ways. Here are both songs if you don't know them (and actually I'd be a little surprised if you did know either of them...). Can click the artist/title link to play them as well, though probably not a good idea if you're in cubicle hell while reading this. Alternatively, you can right-click the download link below each one and choose 'Save Target As' to just download the MP3 to listen to later. [Isn't technology grand? <grin>]
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Joey, baby...don't get crazy
Detours, fences...I get defensive
I know you've heard it all before
So I don't say it any more
I just stand by, and let you fight your secret war
And though I used to wonder why
I used to cry till I was dry
Still, sometimes I get a strange pain inside
Oh, Joey...if you're hurting, so am I...
Joey, honey...I've got
the money
All is forgiven...listen, listen
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be with you
And when you said I scared you
Well, I guess you scared me, too
But, we got lucky once before
And I don't wanna close the door
And if you're somewhere out there, passed out on the floor
Oh, Joey...I'm not angry anymore...
And if I seem to be confused
I didn't mean to be with you
And when you said I scared you
Well, I guess you scared me, too
But, if it's love you're looking for
Then I can give a little more
And if you're somewhere drunk and passed out on the floor
Oh, Joey...I'm not angry anymore...
Right-click here to download song
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Carly Simon, Do the Walls Come Down
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do your eyes grow dim?
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do you let me in?
Do the walls come down...
Nothing like a rainy night, to set your heart remembering
Nothing like a vivid dream, to take you back again...
[^ see, apparently
I'm not the only one this happens to...]
When
you think of me, do your eyes grow dim?
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do you let me in?
Do the walls come down..
Something in my pocket, that was written years ago
In faded ink, said, 'You are my fire...'
...Do you think so?
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do your eyes grow dim?
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do you let me in?
Do the walls come down..
Is it easier for you to say
You never loved me, anyway
Or do you hide me in your attic trunk, like a stowaway?
Do you think of me
Do your eyes grow dim?
Do the walls come down, when you think of me
Do you let me in?
Oh, baby, do the walls come down...
Right-click here to download song